My Jesus

"The depth of sorrow has a way of changing the way you share your life, your heart, your God.  It makes you want to shout the name of Jesus because you realize that after all, in the very midst of it, He is real.  It isn’t just a big book.  It’s the truth, and it has changed me. He has used this season to show me an image of myself, kissing His feet while the tears slip to the ground. " (Angie Smith)

I read this on a blog written by a woman who lost her fourth child...a daughter...almost 6 years ago.  She has an amazing faith and is also a beautiful writer. Well, these few sentences speak perfectly about where my heart, my life, my everything is now! Oh how many times in the last four and a half months I have just shouted Jesus. Sometimes it was anger, and sometimes it was awe! But one thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt...he loves me!! He is the reason I can continue to go on. He is the reason I can know and understand pure joy! It took my meeting the depths of sorrow to really know my Jesus in such a REAL way! I knew him before he gave me my sweet little girl...but now I can't get enough of him! He has put a deep longing in my heart that I hope and pray will forever stay! 

And it is so true that the depths of sorrow can truly change the way you share and view life. Sorrow and grief can take you to a place that is very dark and lonely...but not in a bad or scary way. It is a place where I saw my Jesus face to face! He is the ONLY person that knew my deep ache and sat there with me. He took me in all my brokenness, anger, and fear. He sat there and let me pour out my heart and soul and then poured peace over me day after day. And he continues to! 

Ultimately, I have to remember that this isn't my home. Our life here is temporary! I get to spend eternity in the presence of my savior...and Lucy! Wow! I can't wait!!