Keeping My EYES on Jesus

22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone,24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
27 But Jesus immediately said to them:“Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,”he said, “why did you doubt?”
32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
Matthew 14:22-33

We can learn a lot from Peter in these few verses. What happened the minute Peter took his eyes off of Jesus? He SANK.  He saw the wind. It distracted him, and he took his eyes off of Jesus! That is so me...almost daily. I am distracted with so many things and I take my eyes off of Him. When I take my eyes off of Jesus the questions, anger, bitterness...they start to creep into my mind. But When I am focused and have my eyes turned upward I find peace, joy, and comfort. It is so easy to doubt! It is easy to doubt because I continue to live day by day without my little girl. This isn't a dream that I'm going to wake up from. I will never get to make memories with her...hear her laugh or call me mommy...I will never get to kiss her boo-boos or get her dressed for dancing. But that's where faith kicks in. I have faith that Jesus is in control. He sees the big picture and knows what is best for us. And I can cling to the verse in Ephesians that says..."20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,"...so, I cling to this hope and keep my eyes on the PRIZE...my Jesus, my Savior! 

Compassion goes a long way!!

I looked down at my phone yesterday and had a missed call from my brother. I quickly called him back. I looked forward to hearing his voice. It is a voice that soothes my aching heart and has always been someone that I have loved, adored and looked up to! In the weeks and months following Lucy's home going he and my sister-in-law called me EVERY single day to "check in."  They offered words of encouragement, wisdom and hope. Well, when he answered yesterday his first question to me was "hey...how are you?" My response of "I'm fine" didn't convince him.  I bursted into tears. It always feels good to cry but there is just something safe and comfortable about crying to my big brother! He listened to my heartache and had so many encouraging things to say! But most importantly he was pointing me back to the cross! I needed him reminding me to cry to Jesus and the promise I have of eternity with my Savior...and Lucy! How thankful and proud I am that my brother will speak truth into me!

When I think about our conversation the word that comes to my mind is compassion! In this self-serving world of selfies, FB statuses, instagrams,etc...compassion and selflessness is something that is fading fast! I hope my kiddos can be as compassionate, selfless, and loving as their uncle! I hope and pray they love The Lord like he does, too!!

I have seen compassion from dear friends as well!   I got a sweet text message from a friend this morning right after I arrived at church. She said, "I am heartbroken for you and praying!" She knew that today was probably hard and wanted me to know she was thinking about me! Those few words meant so much and go a long way!! Another dear friend said that just the other day she saw a picture of something I had monogrammed for Lucy and she started crying! And then two other friends listened  the other day while I just talked about Lucy and how much I miss her! My list could go on and on of the things friends have done, said, and continue to do...my weekly walking partner that listens to me talk and cry, talk and cry...my weekly prayer group that constantly speaks truth into my life...our small group that has loved on us through all of this!!!

So I guess I can wrap this post up by just saying how thankful I am! I am so thankful for my brother and my friends...I am so thankful for their compassion and love! I am thankful they are being the light of Christ!

The Sacred Dance of Joy and Grief

It is really hard to believe we are approaching Lucy's sixth month. This has been a tough one. Six months is such a milestone in a Mama's eyes. So much starts happening...personalities start forming...lots of babbling...etc...This journey is such a dance! It is a sacred dance between joy and grief. I am experiencing the greatest of joys...pure, sweet joy!..The joy in knowing Jesus in such an intimate way...the sweetest joy in spending time with my children...the joy of having a husband that will wrap his arms around me and pray over me...the joy of real, deep, true authentic friendships...and then there are moments when the grief will hit me...piling up with my kids in the bed and there is one missing...a tender moment with my 4 year old when he says " I miss Lucy, Mama."...sitting at her "spot" because I just want to feel close to her...but He has me dancing between joy and grief for a reason.

Psalm 126:3,5-6 says "The Lord will do great things for me, and I will be filled with joy. I will sow in tears, then I will reap with songs of joy. If I go out weeping, carrying seeds to sow, I will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with me."

I can cling to the hope in knowing that my tears are planting seeds that will grow into an even deeper joy for The Lord. I just continue to cling to Him..."look full into his wonderful face"...and put my hope and trust in sweet Jesus!