Standing in Awe

We are reading a great book with our small group at the moment.  It is called "To Live is Christ To Die is Gain" by Matt Chandler.  Our small group leader asked a great question Sunday night as we were discussing a chapter.  She asked, "When was the last time you stood in awe of God?"  Well,  I had a quick response.  I stood in awe of our God the night of our Lucy Simpson Foundation benefit!  And I still stand in awe because of where we are today compared to a year ago.  A year ago we were going to the same benefit but it was to help us.  We were still in the depths of deep grief and up to our ears in medial bills.  We had no idea what the Lord had in store.  All we wanted then was for our daughter to be with us and the nightmare to be over.  Well, we still wish she was here but we are no longer living in deep grief and we don't feel like we live in a nightmare.  I was able to walk into the benefit this year with the biggest smile on my face.  My daughter's name was everywhere...but this time as the Lucy Simpson Foundation!  So many people showed up to support us and our new foundation.   And all of this is happening because of our daughter and the impact that she had on us and so many other people! 

For a long while I had the hardest time accepting the fact that I had to continue the rest of my life as a mom without her 4th child.  How was this going to look?  Would I ever be the same?  Will I always hurt this bad and miss her this much?  Well, my answers to these questions are very different today than they would have been a year ago.  Will I ever be the same?  NO! But I don't want to be the same!  Like James 1:3-4 tells us..."the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." Living with the loss of my precious daughter has been a true test to our faith!  It has brought us to our knees over and over and continues to!  Will I always hurt this bad and miss her this much?  YES! But now I can see the beauty in hurting and missing her!  First it allows me to see Jesus much more clearly!  I understand the great love he has for us as his children!  And if I didn't miss her and hurt for her then there was no love!  But of course I love her from the depths of my soul.  I am amazed at how much indescribable love I have for my little girl that I only got to see for 3 days... and hold for just a few minutes... and only sing 2 lullabies to! 

So, here I am almost 17 months later.  I still miss her as much today as I did the day we had to let her go.  But I can also look around and see so many blessings that have come about because of my little Lucy!  I have a marriage that is stronger and deeper than ever before!  True, deep, authentic friendships have formed with some of the most amazing women!  Peace and joy are now deeply rooted!   But most importantly...I know that our Savior is Sovereign!  He is good, gracious, loving, merciful and kind!  And I know that he loves a desperate sinner like me!  And that right there is the biggest blessing of all!!

I will end with this incredible video that we showed at the benefit that my talented husband created.  The song that goes along with it is "Sovereign Over Us" by Aaron Keyes.  It was played at Lucy's celebration. It is a song that I will forever cling to!!

https://animoto.com/play/QSxgRI09jWx8J9R01txIgw

And if you haven't checked out our website please do!
http://www.lucysimpsonfoundation.com/