How does a Mom go on?

I feel like this is a good question to address.   Pretty early in my pregnancy I remember hearing about a girl who delivered her stillborn child at 39 weeks.  I also remember thinking to myself how in the world would I ever make it through something like that? I can remember exactly where I was when I heard this news! Anyway, here I am! I am making it...I'll be honest and say that some days I feel like I am barely making it! But I am! For me the physical act of being on my knees with my face in the floor has helped me feel so close to The Lord! In those moments I cry out from the depths of my soul! I ask him To wash peace over me...fill me with joy...give me comfort.  And you know what...He does! I realize I am being very open with this journey we are on but in the first couple of weeks after we lost Lucy I found 2 blogs written by moms that had been in similar situations. They poured their hearts out and it gave me such comfort. So, I write all these things in hopes that it will encourage anyone that is walking through the depths of despair! Our God loves us so much! He hurts when his children hurt, but He is waiting there with arms wide open ready to wrap us up in his peaceful presence!

Hunter and I are seeing the most incredible counselor.  He said something during one of our sessions that has really helped me.  I made the comment that I am sad I won't get to take Lucy to her first day of preschool, her first day of kindergarten, etc... He said, " let me tweak that for you a bit.  Lucy is good. She is safe and happy in our Father's arms.   Instead of focusing on what you won't get to do with Lucy, remember what you have been able to do with Tyner, Maggie and Hunt.  Be thankful that you were able to take each one of them to their first day of preschool and kindergarten and so on"  This has really helped me in my day to day thought process.  It has helped me focus on the goodness of God and pay attention to the blessings that are coming from our loss.

"Now may The Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.  The Lord be with all of you." 2 Thess. 3:16

The Roller Coaster

I have not a shadow of a doubt that The Lord has us walking down this hard, sad, difficult road for a reason. This was part of his plan for our lives.  BUT that doesn't make it any easier. This road of grief is very unpredictable.  I don't like how unpredictable my days are. I never know when I wake up if it's going to be a good day or a hard day.  Grief is like a roller coaster. I can be "o.k." For a few days...connecting with the outside world...laughing with friends...then it hits me like a crashing wave.  The good in this...it is causing me to stay in constant conversation with The Lord. I am totally dependent on him!

It has almost been 3 months since I held Lucy. Oh what I would give to hold her again! Some days I wake up and it almost feels like a dream.  I can't believe I carried her for 8 months...felt her kick, flip, and hiccup constantly. I just knew she was going to be one spunky little girl by the way she danced in my tummy! And then having the unexpected happen! We just aren't ever prepared for something like this! I will be honest that Today has been one of my sad days! I just miss her. I miss her like crazy!! I want to hold her, smell her, cuddle with her, and tell her how much I love her.   Although I can't now...I will one day and I CANNOT WAIT!!

I would never make it through this without dear friends that have surrounded us! I call them my "safe" friends! They have entered into this grief with me and are walking beside me.   They laugh with me, cry with me, and allow me to let my guard down and be real.  They are taking time out of their days to help me establish a "new routine." They take the time to really ask how I am doing. I am so incredibly blessed by these friends.

http://mollypiper.com/2008/03/

The above link is the blog written by Molly Piper(daughter in law to John Piper). Her 2nd child, a
girl, was stillborn at 39 weeks. It has been several years but she wrote some great posts about how to deal with grieving friends. If you know of someone going through a difficult loss take time to read some of these articles, they could help you in dealing with a grieving friend!

Yahweh! Yahweh! We Love to Shout Your Name Oh Lord!

For years I have been praying that the Lord would do something big in my life, Hunter's life and our marriage.  Well, he answered that prayer by taking our sweet Lucy.  What we have learned through this about our God, each other and our marriage is amazing.  Hunter and I were asked to speak in church today.   I gave a brief background on what has happened in our life over the last three months.  Hunter spoke about how we have seen the Lord's strength in our weakness. And how He has stripped us down to the core so we will look fully into His face.  We are completely dependent on him!   I was able to listen to my husband speak about the ache of losing his little girl, but how he has seen and felt the Lord in such a mighty way.  I am still amazed at his strength and so thankful that the Lord gave me this man!  But I am most thankful that our God loves us so much! It is because of Him that we are able to make it through this.  He is carrying us when we cannot walk!

We sang the song At Your Name this morning.  I love that song!  I want to SCREAM the chorus! 

Lord of all the earth
We shout Your name, shout Your name
Filling up the skies
With endless praise, endless praise
Yahweh, Yahweh
We love to shout Your name, oh Lord

I leave you with the video of this song! Shout his name!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=il-bJjeiOhY

Good News

Friday afternoon we got a phone call that was an answered prayer! The provider that holds the largest bill has agreed to a large discount allowing us to reduce our total campaign amount. I cried when he told me because it was such a relief. Hunter and I, along with many other people, have prayed so hard that God would show up in a big way and do something with all these bills. Our small group circled around us last Sunday and prayed over us. The original amount we thought we owed was so huge it was completely overwhelming.   Well, he heard our prayers, and we feel like our new goal is something that is attainable!  We are hoping to raise close to $45,000.

We have been completely humbled by all the generous donations we have received so far. Thanks to everyone who has helped us in so many different ways as we walk down this difficult road. We would never be making it through this without such amazing family and friends!

He is the Same God

I am so blessed to be in a weekly prayer group with some of the most incredible, Godly women.  It certainly helps me get through these weeks that seem to be really long at this point in our lives. Anyway, while I was there yesterday I received a message from Hunter that had some disappointing news in it.  We were waiting to hear from a guy in hopes that he could help us negotiate our MSHA bill. (This is the largest bill).  Hunter's message simply said..."he can't help." Another dead end. I told the girls in my prayer group I just feel like..."Where's God"?  I know he is strong, mighty, and sovereign but where is he? It is hard enough losing our little girl but then this and it is disappointment after disappointment!

Well, one of the girls reminded me by saying..." Mimi, he is the same God now as he was when he took Lucy...and when he told Moses to part the Red Sea(exodus 14:1-31)...and when He told Moses to strike the rock and water came pouring out(Numbers20:1-13).  He can do immeasurably more than we can imagine. It all comes down to faith. I said yesterday, " I know he is looking down and saying 'oh ye, of little faith'...but, through all of this I know he is strengthening my faith. We have nothing to cling to but Him.  He's got this!

Fundraising Update and Thank You

We have been so humbled by all the generous gifts of friends and family! Through our blog and other generous gifts we have raised $5,558.25.  Dealing with the overwhelming amount of bills after losing Lucy has been very painful. Her name is printed all over them along with "baby girl" Simpson.  It is such a constant, visual reminder of what we lost.   Wow, it hurts like crazy but I told a good friend today that I am so glad that God chose me to be her mommy! She changed her Daddy and me so much in the three days we had her. She filled our hearts with a love for our Heavenly Father that is indescribable! I look at my children, our circumstances, friendships,etc...with a new pair of eyes! All of this happened because of our Lucy! He wants us to love harder...live bigger...and do it all for HIM! That's what we intend to do!

I feel like Job

Job was a wealthy and upright man who lost his possessions, his children and his health.  Everything was stripped away from him.  But at the end of the story Job finally learned that when nothing else was left, he had God, and that was enough!

I am not going to lie. Life is really hard right now. Grieving our loss of Lucy is hard enough.  Throw in the enormous medical bills, and a few other really stressful things and whew!!! But through this I am truly learning that God is enough! He is my calm in the storm. He is my strength when I am weak.  
He is my ALL in ALL. Nothing surprises Him.  He never changes. He is always the same...loving, kind, gentle and PRESENT. Even times when I don't think He is present, He is!!

The Lord had a plan for Job and He has a plan for us. He is calling us to total dependency...pure faith and trust! I really like to feel like I have total control in situations.  Well, I am learning that I have no control! He does! I have to let go of the reigns and let Him lead me.  Job 42:1 says, " I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted."

So, as I sit here feeling like Job, I can find rest in knowing that my God is enough! And our greatest reward will be knowing Him in a deeper and much more intimate way!

More Thoughts On the Sovereignty of God

Another great example of men resting in the sovereignty of God is the story in Daniel chapter 3, of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego. These three young Hebrew captives would not bow to the golden idol that king Nebuchadnezzar set up. The king brought these three men in before Him and gave them one more chance to either bow or be cast into the fiery furnace and be burned. And they said, "If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up" (Daniel 3:17-18). They weren't careful at all in their answer to the king. They were very bold and very sure about their God. They were resting in a very unsure situation in the ability of their God. They knew their God was able to deliver them one way or the other. He would deliver them out of the fire or out of the king’s hand. God honored their faith in His sovereign power and delivered them out of the fire. Do you have this kind of bold faith in the mighty hand of God to deliver you?( The Sovereignty of God by Steve Carr)

I am praying for that kind of bold faith! Hunter and I are in the heat of a very unsure situation! It has been hard enough not having Lucy to hold, rock, kiss, and make memories with. Throw in the enormous bills we are faced with, and I am quick to ask God...where are you? Are you able to take care of this? But if I believe in his sovereign power I know he can! 

Several different times today I was reminded of the verse in Psalm that says " be still and know that I am God."  He is El Elyon...God Most High...Sovereign over All! I can find true rest in that! 

He Gives and Takes Away

Nine weeks ago our lives changed forever! Nine weeks ago we welcomed our little girl in the world and three days later handed her to our Father.  The 5 or so hours we were in the NICU with Lucy when she was slipping away are forever etched in our memory!  I will never forget hovering over her and telling her how much I loved her...and telling her to hang on...and telling her there were so many things I wanted to teach her.  After the ultrasound of her brain, we knew there was a choice we were going to have to make.  There was nothing else the doctors could do.  Hunter and I stood there with our preacher.  We wept.  I screamed.  I almost walked out of the NICU without ever holding her.  I am so glad I changed my mind!  I told the nurses I wanted to hold her.  They unplugged all of her stuff.  They pulled up a rocking chair and Hunter and I sat there and stared at our little girl.  We stared at Lucy knowing that these would be the only memories we would make with her!  I sang Seek Ye First to her...one of the songs I sing to the other 3 every single night. 

It gets a hair easier everyday, but we have a long road ahead of us!  Yes, it helps having my three kiddos to distract me, but sometimes it makes it harder.   There are times when I look at them, and I see a piece of our family puzzle missing.  I couldn't wait to watch them grow up with Lucy.  I just knew the boys were going to be so protective of her and Maggie was going to be the best big sister!  I couldn't wait to see Hunter fall in love with another daughter! 

But our God gives and takes away.  I know that!  When he takes away, it hurts really, really bad.  But I am learning so much about our Savior.  Have I gotten mad at Him?  Absolutely!  Have I screamed at him and asked why? You bet!  But at the end of the day I know he loves us unconditionally and His plans are best!  I can't see that right now, but I know in my heart it is true!

Sovereign Over Us

One of my favorite songs to listen to is "Sovereign Over Us" by Aaron Keyes.  The first week after Lucy went home I would listen to this song every night. I would sing it through agonizing tears...raise my hands in the air...and cling to every word of the song. He is SOVEREIGN over us.

I decided last night that I wanted to dig into the Word and learn more about the Sovereignty of God. Webster defines sovereign as having supreme rank, power or authority. Through reading and understanding more about God's sovereignty, I found that asking questions like "why is God doing this to us?" and " what is His purpose in all this?"...I am questioning his authority-or sovereignty- over us. I'm questioning who He is and the position he holds as God and King.

In Romans 8:28, Scripture declares that all things work together for good to those that love God and are called according to His purpose. This verse declares the power of God’s sovereignty over all the things that occur in our life. He is working all things for our good. God doesn't use just some of these things, but all of them. He doesn't use just the good things for His purposes, but all things to bring about His ultimate purpose in our lives. He’s shaping everything together to bring about good in our life. (The Sovereignty of God by Steve Carr)

Just one more thing I can cling to and claim as we continue to live life without our daughter. He is Sovereign Over Us!!

Follow this link to watchAaron Keyes sing "Sovereign Over Us"
Enjoy...and let the Sovereignty of a God "wash over you!!"

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VPkMbhydU9I

Beauty from Ashes

 “I’m gonna drink this painful cup all the way down, just drain it. And I’m gonna ask the Lord to make it something beautiful.”..-Molly Piper, daughter in law of well known author and preacher John Piper

This is how I want to begin 2014. I am accepting the fact that The Lord has given us this painful cup. He chose us for a reason. But, I am going drink every last drop of the pain and know full well in the depths of my heart that He will turn these painful ashes into something beautiful.

I have begun to know Him in such a more intimate way since we lost Lucy. I chatted with a dear friend over Christmas who lost her newborn son 10 years ago. She made me realize something so profound. The love we have for our children is almost indescribable! I love Lucy just as much as I love Tyner, Maggie, and Hunt...and even though I have very few memories with her it doesn't change how strong a love and bond I had and will always have with her. But if I have this much love for my child who is no longer with me...can you imagine how deep the Father's love is for us?

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge"-Ephesians 3:17&18

So, pray for us as we begin 2014. It will be a hard year with many more "firsts" to get through. But The Lord has gone before us and will make something beautiful from our pain! I cling to that!!

Should be...but really shouldn't be!

I am so tempted to say and think lots of "should be's" right now.
"We should have a newborn in the car with us on the way to Mississippi for Christmas"
We should have 6 stockings instead of 5"
"I should be nursing Lucy right now."
But, a dear friend shared some very truthful words with me.  I shouldn't be! That was not The Lord's plan for Lucy. He has known from the beginning of time that our 4th child...a precious daughter that looked just like her big brother,Hunt, and her daddy...would bless us for 3 days. He knew she would forever change our hearts and lives!

I needed this loss to understand what true suffering and heart break is. I needed it so I would fix my eyes on our Lord and Savior. I needed it so I would fully understand what it means to cling to Him. I needed it so I would realize how truly selfish I am, and I can't live fully without my God and King.  Of course I wish it wouldn't have taken the death of my Lucy for me to realize these things! But our God knows best!

This Mama is forever changed! Moments with my children are so much sweeter...I cherish each one of them for who they are and the unique qualities that The Lord gave them.  I adore my husband for the strength he has shown and continues to show...but thankful he has also shown me his broken heart as well! I love him so much!
I begin 2014 with an open heart, open mind and open arms! I look forward to all the things he will reveal to us!

Here's to a 2014 full of peace, love, joy, comfort and healing!!

God is Good

You know...God is good! He is good in the trials and heartache...He is good when things are going just the way we want them to! He is always good, gracious, loving, gentle, and merciful.  He shows up in big ways and small ways!  On days I have felt like I couldn't walk he has carried me! And he will continue to. He never left my side nor will he ever! Wow! I stand in amazement at the faithfulness of our King!

Lucky for Lucy! She gets to spend Christmas with Jesus! Sure wish I could...but since I probably won't be I'll continue to stand in amazement at the Christ child. I'll stand here with arms wide open getting full on Him!

My husband...My rock

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."  Ephesians 5:31

I am more in love with Hunter now than I was when we got married. He has been my rock! He has held me so many times while I wept uncontrollably, and he will continue to. This was one of the first blessings that came from our losing Lucy. A c-section is extremely painful. I needed help sitting down and standing up. I couldn't get in and out of the car by myself. Anything that required my sitting or rising he had to help me. I would wrap my arms around his neck with our cheeks pressed against each other's. He would gently lay me down. It was in those moments I saw this man I married in a whole new way! He loves me unconditionally! 

Lord, thank you for this man I married! Thank you for the love he shows me everyday. I pray that we continue to walk in your ways in all we do. Wrap your loving arms around us as we still grieve for our Lucy.  Continue to heal our broken hearts. We love you Jesus!!!

My Hope

1. My hope is built on nothing less 
 than Jesus' blood and righteousness. 
 I dare not trust the sweetest frame, 
 but wholly lean on Jesus' name. 

  2. When Darkness veils his lovely face, 
 I rest on his unchanging grace. 
 In every high and stormy gale, 
 my anchor holds within the veil. 
 (Refrain) 

 3. His oath, his covenant, his blood 
 supports me in the whelming flood. 
 When all around my soul gives way, 
 he then is all my hope and stay. 
 (Refrain) 

 4. When he shall come with trumpet sound, 
 O may I then in him be found! 
 Dressed in his righteousness alone, 
 faultless to stand before the throne! 
 (Refrain) 

Refrain: On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand; all other ground is sinking sand. 

I love this song and the words confirm what I know and believe in my heart.  I am resting in him. My hope is in him. The blood He shed and the sacrifice He made is because HE LOVES ME.  

Lord I ask you to show up in a mighty way. Continue to turn our hearts toward you in every situation.   I miss my little girl so bad it aches. But turn our sorrow to joy. Remind us of the blessings we have seen so far and will continue to see because of our precious Lucy.  You are the Great I AM! You are Emmanuel, God With Us.  

The Body of Christ

12The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body.  So it is with Christ… 27Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. ~ I Corinthians 12:12, 27 

Hunter and I visited numerous churches when we moved to Johnson City.  Easter Sunday of 2012 we visited Redeemer Community Church and found our home! Our church family has surrounded us and loved on us unconditionally. Our preacher was in the NICU with us when Lucy went home. He truly felt our pain because he and his wife also lost a newborn daughter.  Our daughters are buried close to one another.  This was all part of the Lord's plan in leading us to Redeemer.  

We joined a small group in September. The afternoon we lost Lucy our small group came to our house and surrounded us. They hugged us...loved on us...and wept with us!  They have spent the night with our kids so we could get away.  Sunday at church I fell apart and ran to the bathroom. A dear friend from my small group followed me in there and wrapped her arms around me. I screamed and sobbed.  She held me and cried with me. 

Our church body has surrounded us in numerous other ways.  They have been the hands and feet of Christ!  They have been and will continue to be our family up here.  Philippians  1:3 says, "I thank my God every time I remember you." And I do! We wouldn't have made it this far without the body of Christ that has surrounded us!

Fixing My Eyes

2 Corinthians 4:14-18

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Through losing Lucy my focus has been completely shifted. I begin each day on my knees.  When I'm driving in the car I am talking to The Lord. While I wash dishes and fold clothes I am praying. He has me at a place of total dependence on Him! I am living in the lap of our Savior! 

His Unfailing Love

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8

Every morning before my feet touch the ground I recite this verse.  We are living day by day hour by hour. Living like this allows us to see the blessings in each moment! We don't take anything for granted and are so thankful for the small things.  I feel like now we have a much more eternal perspective.  Through our sweet Lucy we have seen our faith strengthened, our marriage grow in countless ways, and deep friendships formed.  We will continue to see blessings flow from our loss.

Is it hard? Words can't describe! The pain is excruciating at times. When I am in the depths of the despair I fall to my knees. I cry out, and he hears me.  He wraps his loving arms around me and I am covered in peace.  Losing Lucy has placed me at my Father's feet almost hourly, and that is exactly where I need to be!

Lucy's Story

In March of 2013 I found out I was pregnant.  It was quite a surprise to us all, but I was very excited.  We found out in July that our surprise 4th child was going to be a girl.  It was the perfect scenario in my eyes.  I would have 2 boys and 2 girls.  I was ecstatic!  Hunter and I both always said if we had another girl her name would be Lucy.  Oh, I was beside myself excited!! Maggie(#2 child) was super excited as well.  November couldn't get here fast enough because I just couldn't wait to meet my sweet, precious Lucy.  I never worried about a thing during my pregnancy Lucy.  I had had 3 very healthy pregnancies before her!     October 27, 2013 we welcomed our baby girl and on October 30, 2013 she left my arms and went straight into the arms of our Father.  Below are the details about her birth and the few days she lived from our caring bridge site that my loving, amazing husband wrote.

On Sunday, October 27th, we were sitting in church and Mimi mentioned that Lucy had not been moving much that morning or the night before.  She was counting movements and as the morning progressed the movements became fewer and fewer.  Sunday afternoon several hours passed with no movement in her belly.  We were naturally concerened and called the State of Franklin OBGYN 24 HR Emergent Line.  Dr Brent Laing asked Mimi to come on in so that he could watch her for a little while.

When we arrived at Franklin Woods Hospital, Mimi was hooked to several monitors and much to our relief...Lucy had what seemed to be a great heartbeat.  After several hours, Dr Laing still had some concerns but felt like everything would be fine by morning.  Around 7pm, an ultrasound was ordered to see what little Lucy was up to in there.  Still no movement but a good heartbeat.  She looked like she was in a peaceful slumber.

By 7:30pm, Lucy started reacting adversely to Mimi's very minor contractions.  Each time there would be a contraction, Lucy's heartbeat would plummet.  Dr Laing decided to sit on the bed with us and just watch Lucy's reactions.  After some time, Dr Laing realized that Lucy was in enough trouble that she needed to be delivered very soon.  He decided that inducing labor would be too much for Lucy to handle and that an emergency C-Section would be the route we needed to go and soon.  We agreed.

By 8:30pm, Mimi was in the OR and the doctors were preparing her spinal.  At 9:10pm, Lucy Pattison Simpson was born.  She cried and then the action began.  As soon as Lucy's umbilical cord was cut, he lights essentially went out.  She could not breathe and her heart was not wanting to beat.  Lucy was bright white from blood loss. 

The neonatal nurses and doctors went to work.  Things were flying around the room and people were everywhere.  They could not get her to breathe and could not get her heart to beat consistently.  Very quickly Dr Darshan Shah (Neonatologist) arrived and started directing efforts.  After a 50 minute battle, they had Lucy stabilized enough to move her to the NICU at Niswonger Childrens Hospital.

Before they transported Lucy, Dr Shah came to our room to let us know the chances of surviving this were very slim.  He had already begun to suspect that Lucy suffered from Chronic Anemia and she had lost about 85% of her blood over several weeks time.  Something that was not detectable. On top of that, she was 5 weeks early.

Around 11pm, I decided to go be with Lucy at the NICU since we were at another hospital.  Over the next few hours I began to realize what had occurred and what was happening.  Little Lucy's oxygen in her blood was almost nil.  She had a hemoglobin of 3, something that had never been seen by these doctors.  Her lungs required complete support.  Her heart was enlarged to fill almost her entire chest cavity.  She was requiring a lot of blood since she basically had none when she was born.  Her other organs were not operating due to lack of blood and oxygen.  Her body was in a severe state of Acidosis.  She had very little chance of survival.  I was told just a few more hours if things did not change.

After a few more hours, Dr Shah and the unbelievable nursing staff in the NICU had her a little more stable due to a nitric treatment.  I then decided that Mimi needed some attention as well and Lucy was in good hands.

Monday morning, I called for updates.  Lucy was having trouble again with her oxygen levels and she was really in trouble again.  They worked and worked and worked on her.  By about midday, they had come from about losing her to brining her to a state of some stability.  Unbelievable work by this staff. 

Monday night, Mimi and I went to see Lucy.  Her oxygen levels were fairly stable in the 90s up to 100.  Her hemoglobin was at a 32.....all the way from a 3 to begin with.  She was still on 100% jet ventilator and a back up ventilator.  She was still on the nitric treatment.  She was still on every other machine known to man.....but she was stable for the time being.

Tuesday.  Dr Laing decided to discharge Mimi.  This afternoon, we left Franklin Woods Hospital and went directly to Niswonger NICU to see LUCY.  She has begun to retain a lot fluid because her kidneys are not functioning well....so she is very swolen.  Her oxygen levels are good.  Her Acidosis is getting better and better.  She is still on full support.  Her abdomen scan showed damage to all of her organs but the severity is still unknown.  An ultrasound of her brain shows that there is no bleeding in the brain....thats a praise.  Dr Shah came in and talked to us.  He said that Lucy has come so so far but she still has a long way to go.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

We left our house around noon to go see our sweet little girl.  About 5 minutes before we arrived Hunter's phone rang.  It was the NICU.  They told us to hurry...she was slipping away and very fast.  My parents were following us.  We got there as fast as we could.  When we got to her side her numbers were very low.  The nurses and Dr. Shah were doing everything they could.  I fell on my knees and prayed so hard.  I cried out to our Father...the Great Physician.  A few minutes later a miracle had occured.  Her numbers were back up and she was stable.  Dr. Shah had no medical answer for how this happened.  We knew what had happened.  The Great Physicia had performed a miracle.  He wanted us to know how mighty and powerful he was and still is!   I thought we were good to go.  I just knew she was going to come out of this and it was going to be one of those "miracle stories."  Well, the Lord had another plan!  Yes, he perfomed a miracle right in front of our eyes, but He is the final decision maker.  Dr. Shah ordered and ultrasound of her brain.  The ultrasound showed severe hemorrhaging in her brain.  Our sweet, precious Lucy was not going to make it.  I held her and sang to her with her Daddy right beside me.  We kissed and loved our sweet little girl.  She left my arms and went straight home to her Father's arms.

Hunter and I both saw the gospel in such a real way through our sweet Lucy.  We tasted a tiny bit of the agony that God our Father went through when he put his only son on the cross.  He could have stopped it but he didn't.  It wasn't part of the "story."  He could have saved Lucy, but he didn't.  It wasn't his plan for her life.  He has bigger plans.  We rest in knowing that our God is sovereign, merciful, and gracious.  He is loving, compassionate and kind.  Yes, this hurts like a hurt we have never felt before, but I truly feel his presence.  He is working in and through us for His Glory!

Maggie's 5th Birthday

We had so much fun celebrating our little girl's 5th birthday...Mermaid style!  She picked the theme and Mama had fun with the cake, making her swimsuit and coverup.  It is nice to have a pool in our neighborhood to celebrate these summer birthdays!

Maggie's 5th Birthday

Tyner's 7th Birthday

 This is the mask that the "red" ranger wears

 It was a power rangers theme this year

We celebrated Tyner's 7th birthday a little early with his school and baseball friends.  We love having a pool in our neighborhood and it made for a perfect birthday spot!  The kids swam, played baseball, ate pizza and cake and just had a blast.  The adults had a good time, too! 

Baseball

 His coach made these baseball cards for each player

We have really enjoyed Tyner's first baseball season in J.C.  His coach was incredible.  He not only taught these boys a lot about the game of baseball but he was such a wonderful role model.  Tyner has fallen in love with this sport!! We have not only had fun watching him play but we have met some great people through this baseball team.  We finished the season #1 and are getting geared up for the tournament.  He is going to a baseball camp at ETSU in July and is counting down the days.  He played second base and right field.  His hitting improved tremendously!  We are so proud of our little slugger!!

Maggie's Dance Recital

 My little dancer!

 Can she pose or what?!!

 They danced to the song if all of the raindrops were lemondrops and gumdrops...If you can't tell she is catching the raindrops! hilarious!!

 She loves shaking her hips!

 They danced with a partner from an older class.  It was a precious dance!

 Yes, she is waving to us from the stage!!

Maggie loved dancing again this year.  We found a wonderful dance studio here.  Her teachers were wonderful.  She wasn't the least bit shy on that stage.  She couldn't wait to get dressed up, wear make up and have curls in her hair.  But what girl doesn't like all that?  Of course it thrilled my soul to have a little girl to do all this fun stuff with!  We have been joined at the hip this past school year.  I still don't know what I am going to do without her at home with me every day!  I can't think about it right now or i will start crying...again!!...for the 10th time!  Anyway, the recital was such a success.  She is already looking forward to starting back in the fall!

Field Day and End of First Grade

 Part of Field Day included enjoying the fun bouncies!

 Tyner with a few of the girls from his class

 3 of his friends from his class at Field Day

Speedy running and jumping hurdles

Field Day was a blast.  Everything they did at school this year amazed me!  I must say again how thankful I am for such a wonderful public school!  We have an outstanding principal and a PTA that is just awesome.  And not to mention fabulous teachers!!  Anyway, we enjoyed our first Lake Ridge field day.  Maggie, Hunt and I walked up the hill to the track that is behind the school and watched Tyner.  After he completed the field events with his class they went to the playground and jumped on bouncies.  Needless to say he was worn out by the time school was out!

 Acting goofy during computer time

Tyner and his wonderful teacher!! 

My son finished first grade with a bang.  He had an incredible teacher that developed in him a LOVE for writing!! Those of  you that know me well know how much I love kids to write in the classroom!  Well, they did a TON of it at Lake Ridge Elementary.  I took Tyner to Target the other day to get a new swimming suit and a journal for the summer.  He was more excited about his journal than his new suit!  I was one happy Mama!  He is quite the reader, too!  He had a precious class and made lots of new friends.  We continue to love our neighborhood and all it has to offer.  It is wonderful living across the street from the school.  I could step out the front door in the afternoons and see Tyner's class at recess.  It kind of felt like it was something out of a storybook.  I am so very thankful it is real and we are getting to enjoy this "Mayberry" type place! We are truly blessed!

Mother's Day

Mother's Day weekend we met our cousins at Dollywood!  Although it was very crowded (we saw a glimpse of Dolly!!) the kids and adults had a blast.  We spent the night with Kacky and Roger.  It was so much fun watching all these cousins laugh and giggle!

Red Fork Falls

Red Fork Falls is one of my very favorite hikes we have done since we moved to Johnson City.  It is interesting in the fact you start the hike at the top of the waterfall and hike down beside it.  It is lots of rock climbing and hanging from trees but that is the way I like it.  And my kids do, too! It is absolutely gorgeous!  When we went this time we had friends join us.  The kids (and adults) had a blast!