Thoughts from a 4 year old

Baseball and t-ball season is just about in full swing in our house.  Tyner is playing travel baseball for the Crusaders and Hunt is playing t-ball for the A's.  Both of my boys are sports fanatics...just like their daddy! He has trained them well!  Tyner knows every stat known to man.  Matter of fact just about the whole ride to Mississippi for spring break he was rattling off different stats.  "Hey Mama, did you know (enter players name here) scored (# of points) in his last basketball game.  And did you know (enter coaches name) has coached the (name of team) for 25 years!"  All I know to say is "wow! Tyner" over and over.  It brings such a smile to my face though because it shows how much they look up to their Daddy and hang on to every word he says!  So, back to the baseball season.  This is Hunt's first year of t-ball.  His first practice was last Saturday at 1:00.  At 8:00 a.m. he was dressed and ready to go!  I am sure it is pretty safe to say most little boys do that on the day of their very first practice!  Well, we have t-ball practice twice a week.  The drive to practice takes us past Lucy's "spot."  Nine times out of ten Hunt says, "Mommy, that's where Lucy is buried.  Can we go see her tomorrow?  I want to take her flowers.  Just yesterday he went on to say..."I want to lay a blanket down in the grass by her and pray.  Then the saddest part was when he said..."Lucy is dead.  We buried her and she isn't coming back."   I have to admit I am scared to death to take my sweet, innocent 4 year old to the cemetery to "see" his sister.  I am scared when we get there he will say...where is she?  I have in my head that he thinks if we go up there he will really get to see her.  And then he will start crying and I will too and it will just turn into a really sad, difficult, tough, gut-wrenching situation!  I look at him all the time and miss so bad not getting the chance to see him be a big brother to her.  Oh he would have been such a good big brother! But, my prayer for my kiddos through this has been that it would lay down a solid foundation for them in understanding the Gospel and really getting Jesus!  That we just need Jesus!   That God isn't in a box...and it isn't about just going to church on Sundays...and just saying prayers at night...or just being able to quote lots of scripture...all of that is WONDERFUL and AWESOME and we try to do all those things!...but it all comes down to knowing Jesus and wanting to know him more and more!  If we truly know and LOVE him then our lives are transformed!  We don't need all this stuff that the world offers.  We just need HIM!  And it is because of him we find true joy and know true peace!  So, as much as it hurts to have these tough conversations with my 4 year old I just do it!  And I try my best to point him back to the cross!